Disappointed

We are staying in town for the holiday weekend. B's on call (when isn't he?) and although I could have taken the kids up north by myself, it didn't seem fair to leave him home alone.

I invited a few different people/families over for a cookout and fireworks on Saturday, but I don't think too many are coming. I know my parents, my SIL and my niece and nephew are coming, but I think that will be it. I suppose it will be easier this way. Since it's only family coming over, the house doesn't have to be as clean, and I don't have to worry about making things run so smoothly. But at the same time, I'm still frustrated that the other people aren't coming, or haven't told me if they are or not.

I like to entertain. I love putting together fun foods, and making things as enjoyable for my guests as possible. The problem is that I haven't done it very much because we never really have people over to the house. I invite people all the time, but no one comes. It's been this way my whole life.

In junior high, and high school, people didn't come to my birthday parties because my birthday was always during basketball playoffs, and there always seemed to be a game. In college, it was finals. (My birthday is December 13). You would think that I'd be used to this - trying to plan something and people not showing up. Even with the moms group, it seems to be the same way. I'm trying to plan a mini-carnival for the kids. I had lots of people say they were interested in it and that it was a good idea.......in the beginning. Now that I'm trying to put it into motion, only a handful of people have actually committed themselves to helping.

I understand that people have schedules and appointments and emergencies. What I don't understand is what makes my birthdays/cookouts/play dates/meetups less important than someone else's? What I don't understand, is why, after almost 4 years, have none of our friends from back home come down to visit? (Seriously. Not a single friend). We live less than 2 hours away, and they can't come down for a cookout, but can drive to Chicago every month or so for a baseball game, boat show, or shopping trip? (It's the same distance).

A lot of B's friends don't have kids, and still spend their weekends getting drunk and acting stupid. They may be in their 30's, but they still act like college kids. I sorta understand about them not wanting to spend a day with the kids....worrying about cussing in front of them, not being able to talk about sex or making rude gestures. But really. If they were his friends, they'd do it for him. At least you'd think they would.

That's part of my problem. I expect too much from people. I think of what I would do; how much effort I put into relationships. I think that if I would bend over backward for a friend, they should do the same for me. If I'm putting in 110%, they should too. Most of the time, I am disappointed because of my expectations. I keep hoping that the next time will be different, and it usually isn't.

So the fact that I gave people over a two week notice about the cookout, and they couldn't add me to their schedules disappoints me. I will enjoy having my family down for the day. I will put on my hostess hat and make sure we all have a good time. We'll cook some steaks, the kids will play in the pool, and we'll light off illegal fireworks ('cause our town doesn't really care). But I'll still be irritated with those "other" people......for a few weeks. Then I'll try to plan something else, get my hopes up that they'll come, and be disappointed again. It's a cycle I wish I could break.